Trying...

The mental challenge.

We all have things in our lives which can completely frustrate us.  Maybe it's the shopping cart with a wobbly wheel.  Maybe it's the line of cars in front of us which are driving below the speed limit and therefore contributing to us being late getting to our destination.  Maybe it's a co-worker not contributing to completing the workload or maybe they've taken credit for something they didn't do.

My challenge right now is obvious.  I have a body that doesn't do what I want it to do.  So what I have to try to do is keep my mind strong.  Some days that's easier said than done.  Being chronically ill can be draining emotionally.  And yes, there are moments where I will go into shut down mode to kind of re-group and re-set my mind to where I need it to be.

I think what I need to find is a new outlet.  I used to be a smoker - I have been smoke-free for two and a half years.  I have never really been a drinker, however even if I wanted to have a drink to relax and unwind - I need to be prepared to deal with the pain of doing so.  I obviously can't be somebody who eats when they are stressed.  All of these are negative outlets - I need to find a positive one.

What I really wish for is that I could train again.  I wish I could explain the peace that I would feel inside following an hour or two of training.  To be completely exhausted and pumped up at the same time.  There are days where I would just like to strap on my gloves and hit the bag for a round.  A round where I could throw round kicks.  Or to grapple my friend.  It makes me sad that I can't train.

I don't know that I could find something else which brings me that much enjoyment and allows me to relieve stress and helps make my body stronger.  But I think that I need to find a new stress reliever - something which my body can tolerate.

Hmmmmm...what to do?