What a mix of feelings today.
I had my morning giggle with the handsome student who always makes the first rounds in the morning. I was feeling pretty blah and getting grumpy - he asked me "what happened to the smile I am used to seeing this early in the morning". I told him I wasn't feeling well and was getting frustrated on the mix of information I was receiving.
It was shortly after he left that I began throwing up. I don't know what annoyed me more - the fact that I was throwing up or the fact that this woman was standing next to bedside wanting to ask me questions:
"So how are you feeling this morning"
"Have you gotten sick at all"
"When was the last time you had a bowel movement"
"Do you think the Zofran is helping"
"Have you ever tried the drug Elavil"
By this point I was beyond livid - first of all, why are you talking to me and expecting answers back while I am in the midst of throwing up? Why are you asking me questions about how I feel when you are watching me throw up? Just completely annoying.
I would have another doctor come who would insist that I try taking Elavil - which I emphatically refused. I kept trying to tell him that I had taken that drug before, it made me clinically depressed, suicidal, etc. and I refuse to take it again. He answers with, well we can have you try to take it here so we can monitor you - again my answer is no. What don't you get buddy?
Some good news - my health insurance is going to cover the costs of my home nurse care, supplies for my TPN treatment, etc. That is a relief.
I also had a brief visit with my mom and dad - mom brought be some more underwear (I know tmi - but I thought I was over packing when I packed for a week, but wasn't expect to be here this long). Got to giggle with the both of them as well before they had to leave for the long ride home.
I am hoping that I am getting closer to being discharged. Meds which I was previously given via IV are not being given in pill format (including my pain medicine). As long as they are just as effective, then I am fine with this. Having my meds in pill format also mean they are setting me up to cut me loose - so please keep your fingers crossed that it happens sooner than later.
There is some things I need to go buy when I get out of here. I need to find a new style of tops to wear that accommodate all of the tubing for the TPN - but also not confine me in what I can and cannot do because I am tied up by tubes under my clothing. Need to find some khaki style pants for work - something which are universal and comfortable. I need to make sure that what I am finding in clothes, not only accommodates my new TPN set up but that it also takes into consideration the distention I am still experiencing in my abdomen. And then on top of all that the desire to still want to look cute in what I wear. Oh, and I don't want to break the bank having to do it either.
I am ready to get back to my life. I know I will have to slow down some but I am ready to get back to it. There are going to be some changes in what my every day looks like - so I will have to accommodate additional time for setting up my TPN bag, accommodate weekly visits from the nursing staff who will clean and re bandage by picc line and also draw blood, being available for when the deliveries of my TPN are going to made. My life is going to turn upside down a bit - but I am ready to get out of this hospital and get back to my life.
Having a 'normal' life is taken for granted quite a bit.
Be thankful for the blessings that you, I know I am.
Remember that there is someone out there dealing with something harder than you, and I continue to send them prayers for health and strength.
Be aware that your words could alter someones day - either for the good or the bad.
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