On a mission...

For the past week or so I have been in what I will kindly refer to as a rut.  I am now on a mission - and there are a few things involved in it.

1) Get tapered off of this TPN tube with the plan to lose the picc line all together.  For about the past two weeks, I have diligently been 'forcing' myself to eat a few times a day.  My thought is, if I can continue to put food in my body and it stays down - even if I have every other side effect from eating - that it will help with my 'plea' to my dietitian this week when I ask her to taper down the number of times a week I have to be hooked up.  I don't think I will really have to plea with her, especially since I am making this decision based upon my body's response to food right now.

2) Lose at least 5 pounds.  For whatever reason, my body while on TPN has been packing on the weight each week.  Something which I have really had enough of - and so has my wardrobe.  I am at more than a healthy weight, so me losing some weight is not a bad thing.  I am hopeful that shedding some of these extra pounds will help me not feel so sluggish either.

3) Try each day to put that little extra into getting ready each morning.  Instead of just pulling my hair back into a ponytail - try to get up a little early and do some type of styling to it.  Go back to putting make up on in the morning.  I started the return to make up yesterday and I have to say that 'putting on my face' helped in way with how I felt mentally.  So while my wardrobe isn't cooperating with me right now - I can do my best to make myself feel good by going 'above' what I am doing right now when getting ready.

Now the test will be if I can keep myself focused on what I want to accomplish - and not let this disorder sidetrack me.  I figure if I can, I will be one step closer to reclaiming part of my life.  All of this may sound really easy to do, something which really shouldn't require any effort at all.  The old me would have had no problem knocking these goals out.  The current me is going to have to create energy sources that just simply don't exist - but I'm on a mission.

And there is something to be said about a woman on a mission.