Yesterday I enjoyed the freedom of not lugging around my TPN bag. There was a part of me that was a little bothered that the bag was going to go to waste - but yesterday I just didn't care. I was tired of being sick and tired of giving people a reason to look (a.k.a. stare) at me. My patience with this condition is currently wearing thin.
I want my life back. I want the life that I had been living for the past few years, the life I was living right before I got sick last year. When I felt good about the way I looked. When I was able to train.
I'm angry tonight that I don't have that life. I know part of my anger stems from the fact that I didn't have such a good day. My stomach has hurt all day. I'm tired. My PICC line site hurts. My shoulder is still sore. I still couldn't get through to the new gastroenterologist today to make an appointment. I'm tired of constantly trying to find clothes to hide my bloated stomach and hide my PICC line.
I tried really hard today to eat a couple of meals - figuring it might make me feel 'normal'. Had a plain piece of french toast this morning. Had some soup at lunch. And had a turkey sandwich this evening. Bottom line - my stomach handled breakfast this morning and then it was all down hill. My stomach just grew as the day went on.
Who knows, maybe not hooking up my bag did more 'harm' than good - but honestly, I don't care. It did good for my mental status.
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