Santa, I've been a good girl this year...all I want is...

What is it about being a woman - a mom and wife - that makes us push our bodies beyond its limits?  That instead of listening to our bodies to rest or slow down - we continue to push ourselves because we have either over committed or are just trying to tackle too much by ourselves?

I found myself in this situation today.  Most would think that what I tackled today was not much and why would I think that I had done too much.  Add into that the amount of time that it took me to accomplish it and some might wonder what the heck I had been doing all day - that I should have accomplished a lot more.

Grocery shopping.

Unload car and put food away.

Take all the dirty laundry down to basement.

Sort laundry.

Do 7 loads of laundry.

Clean family room. (and by clean, I mean clean - not just straighten up)

Clean dining room.  (see above)

Clean hallway bathroom.  (see above)

Straighten up kitchen - cause I'm just gonna trash it again tomorrow.

Clean out and organize my closet.

So I started all of this at 10:30am and eleven hours later, I am sitting down for the first time.  11 hours.

The more I moved, the more my stomach became distended.  The empty feeling I was experiencing this morning, hasn't gone away.  At one point I did have to stop for a few moments and eat a peanut butter sandwich - something with protein because I felt like I was gonna fall over.

I'm struggling again these past few days.  Something which I am not happy about.  Something which is weighing on my mind a bit.  As a person with gastroparesis, someone who has already been on TPN treatment - it sits in the back of my mind the fact that I could always need to go back on TPN.  I'm experiencing some of the same sensations I did before.  I need to start checking my weight again - make sure that I don't start dropping again.

All though I wasn't smart today about pushing my body beyond its limits - I will be smarter about seeing a doctor if the time comes that it's warranted.  Last time I waited too long and my veins were in bad shape - don't want to go through that again.  But I'm not there yet and really praying that I am just having a rough couple of days and that this is going to pass.

I would be completely happy to just wake up tomorrow feeling better - no presents needed - just waking up feeling normal.