Change in plans...

So my plans of yesterday were altered.

After jumping out of the shower yesterday afternoon, I noticed that my current patch was only half way on.  So I had a choice - tape it down with medical tape so it stays in place for one more day or just remove it.

I removed it.

In that moment - of my head pounding, the nausea still strongly present and my energy levels pretty low - I came to the conclusion that the patch was not helping me and that I didn't want to spend another day with these added symptoms.  I figured I would see how I felt for a few days without it and that would help me decide if I would try them again.

Well.  My headache is gone.  The abdominal pains are back to their 'normal' levels.  The constipation which was increased from the patch has been eleviated.

So I think my decision has been made when it comes to the patches.  Not really up for taking medication which intensifies my symptoms - the symptoms are hard enough to deal with at their normal levels.

On to the next plan...

It's not working...

So far I gotta say I am not seeing any improvements with the patches.  If anything I have acquired a new symptom - constant headache.

Tomorrow is Day 5 for this patch.  So I will swap it out for a new one and then I will see how the subsequent five days go.  If after those five days I am still not seeing an improvement and this headache thing still remains, than I will be ditching the idea of using the patch.  The only reason that I am even considering doing the additional five days is because I have some down time from working and thus the 'luxury' of being able to rest if need be.

I've also been having some intense abdominal pain, but I don't think that is related to the patch - but then again it could be, who knows.  Guess I might find out for certain if I stop the patches in the near future.

What I do know is that I am trying to detox my body a little.  I've gotten into the habit of drinking more caffeine - whether it be coffee or soda - because it helps give me that energy rush since my energy levels are pretty much non-existent.  But I am working on cutting that back - not going to go full cold turkey because that will only intensify my headache I'm sure.  But it's time to try to get back to drinking more water and stuff.

I was looking at pictures of me of what I looked like before I got sick.  I just look so much healthier - thinner - clearer complexion - fit.  It still boggles my mind to some extent that my body is just holding onto every ounce it has even though I barely eat.  I know my body is in survival mode, but you would think I would weigh about 100lbs right now.  I know it's going to be hard - it might actually not be possible - but I want to try to get back to looking like I did in 2010.  It's depressing to see pictures of me now compared to then.

Anyhow.  So one more round with the patches and then I will make my final decision if they stay or go - but if I had to decide right now, they would go.  Not making me feel any better and they are jacking up my head.  Time to rest.

To Do List

The beginning of a new year.

Wondering what 2012 will hold for me.  Looking back on 2011, I never would have imagined everything that happened had you asked me in 2010 what my new would hold in store for me.

There obviously was a lot of negative stuff that occurred this past year as a result of my gastroparesis.  I had two failed Botox procedures.  Spent nine days in the hospital due to malnutrition and dehydration.  Spent two months on TPN treatment.  Had a falling out with my gastroenterologist and started to see a new one.

But there have also been some positive things that happened as well.  I took my first trip to New Orleans with an amazing group of friends for the weekend - laughing until I cried, tasting some good food and dancing the night away.  I took my first trip to the Outerbanks - spending a week in a house with an awesome friend and her kids, laughing until I cried, pushing my body way over its limits, witnessed two friends get married in a beautiful location and enjoyed the time with my daughter.  Saw my first live UFC fight.  And I know there are many many more happy moments that I am just drawing a blank on right now because I am too tired to think.

This year is starting off a little rocky health-wise, but I am still trying to find the positives to focus on and and what I would like to accomplish/strive for in 2012 (not in any particular order).

- Organize my house

- Re-do my family room (new carpets, new couches, new television, etc.)

- Have an amazing garden

- Spend more time canning this year

- Be successful in my job

- Witness both of my children hit milestone birthdays - 18 and 13

- Get back out on the mat

- Spend more time with family

- Be a better mom and wife

- Do something creative

- Go on a trip

- Re-do my kitchen

- Have more healthy days vs. sick days

But for now, it's back to sleep.

Happy New Year.

So far, so good...

I finally started using the patches that the newest doctor gave me - they are for nausea.  I had a period of time after seeing him that the nausea was tolerable, so I hadn't bothered trying them.  Then when everything started up again in full force with my stomach it became a matter of wait until the appropriate time in the event that I have a reaction to them before giving them a try.

I was reading the packaging material that came with them.  Turns out they are typically used for patients who are undergoing chemotherapy.  The patient would put the patch on two days prior to starting their treatment and then rotate the patch every 7 days.  The concept of the patch is that it interferes with your serotonin levels, thus basically tricking your brain into telling your body that you are not nauseous.

Of course when I get my script filled there is a big warning from the pharmacist because the dose exceeds the daily recommended amount.  That's because my doctor has me replacing my patch every 5 days instead of 7.  So I finally put one on this morning because I really just couldn't take the nausea any longer.  I am not a fan of taking medication if I can do without it - and I finally couldn't take it.

So now we wait and keep my fingers crossed that this brings relief.  I would hope by at least tomorrow that I start to see some improvement - because I am sure it takes some time for your serotonin levels to be altered enough to feel a difference.  The most common side effects seem mild enough - it's the allergic ones that you have to watch out for, but like I said so far, so good.  I've always gotta giggle a little though, as almost every medication that they give a gastroparesis patient has either side effects of constipation or nausea - two things that most gastroparesis patients battle on a daily basis.  I guess this is how people can so quickly end up with an entire medicine cabinet full of prescriptions - one to counteract the side effects of the first and so on and so on.

I will report back more on the patches as I see how they work for me - in the event you are reading this and are also a gastroparesis patient or know someone who is.  It's worth a shot I guess - anything is better than constantly feeling nauseous.



Everybody remain calm, put your trays in the upright position...

Staying calm on the outside is always so much easier than staying calm on the inside.  Don't ever let them see your fear - you gotta remain tough in your mind.

Sometimes that is easier said than done, but I'm trying.  The harder part I think is staying strong in your mind - you can always fake it to everyone around you that you are ok, put on a smile and say that everything is great.  All though, those that really know me can usually see right through that - even if I attempt to cover up what I am feeling.

But it seems like the big belly is making its return and at least for now is not showing any signs of leaving any time soon.  The nausea yesterday was pretty bad and I'm not feeling so hot this morning either.  When I get home this afternoon I will plan on trying the nausea patches - don't want to put one on yet as I don't know what kind of side effects I could potentially have.  Besides, I'll be taking my daughter out with a bunch of friends shortly to go ice skating and I don't want to put a damper on those plans.

So for now, it's try to stay calm in my mind mode and not let stress work its way into my brain.  Tray tables are up and we are back to eating bland soft foods - and by we I mean me - cause I need to get moving and make these girls some waffles for breakfast.

Mmmmmm.....waffles.

Santa, I've been a good girl this year...all I want is...

What is it about being a woman - a mom and wife - that makes us push our bodies beyond its limits?  That instead of listening to our bodies to rest or slow down - we continue to push ourselves because we have either over committed or are just trying to tackle too much by ourselves?

I found myself in this situation today.  Most would think that what I tackled today was not much and why would I think that I had done too much.  Add into that the amount of time that it took me to accomplish it and some might wonder what the heck I had been doing all day - that I should have accomplished a lot more.

Grocery shopping.

Unload car and put food away.

Take all the dirty laundry down to basement.

Sort laundry.

Do 7 loads of laundry.

Clean family room. (and by clean, I mean clean - not just straighten up)

Clean dining room.  (see above)

Clean hallway bathroom.  (see above)

Straighten up kitchen - cause I'm just gonna trash it again tomorrow.

Clean out and organize my closet.

So I started all of this at 10:30am and eleven hours later, I am sitting down for the first time.  11 hours.

The more I moved, the more my stomach became distended.  The empty feeling I was experiencing this morning, hasn't gone away.  At one point I did have to stop for a few moments and eat a peanut butter sandwich - something with protein because I felt like I was gonna fall over.

I'm struggling again these past few days.  Something which I am not happy about.  Something which is weighing on my mind a bit.  As a person with gastroparesis, someone who has already been on TPN treatment - it sits in the back of my mind the fact that I could always need to go back on TPN.  I'm experiencing some of the same sensations I did before.  I need to start checking my weight again - make sure that I don't start dropping again.

All though I wasn't smart today about pushing my body beyond its limits - I will be smarter about seeing a doctor if the time comes that it's warranted.  Last time I waited too long and my veins were in bad shape - don't want to go through that again.  But I'm not there yet and really praying that I am just having a rough couple of days and that this is going to pass.

I would be completely happy to just wake up tomorrow feeling better - no presents needed - just waking up feeling normal.

It's Christmas Eve and I need to break this trend...

Well - I am still in the same position I have been for the past few days.

My stomach is still distended and I am just feeling blah.  My energy levels are low but I think that in part is due to that I have not been eating as much as I have previously.  My appetite is strangely gone again.  I woke up this morning with that kind of 'empty' sensation again - like I feel hollow - not really sure how to explain it.

So right now, I am waiting for the excedrin to kick in and take away my pounding headache.  Will get up and have some toast and maybe some coffee - hopefully the caffeine will help.  And then I need to get moving.  Too much to accomplish today and I need to find the energy to do it.

Feeling like I am slipping back into where I was before - something which I just cannot have happen.  Too much going on and I need to be operating at full capacity - or at least 80%.

All I want for Christmas is to be healthy.

Merry Christmas Eve!